Right photo. Taken during the last day of my internship in Team Manila, by Nine Avenido.
Left photo. Probably a month after that photo above was taken, I decided to go outside wearing the same camo under my favorite denim.
Thank you Janna for scanning these photos.
How do I let myself wander again? I think I've been to attached to the comforts of the city that I reside in, and the city of my dreams. Maybe I've been walking too much on highway sidewalks or sitting too much on coffee shop seats that I don't know how the rural areas look and feel like anymore.
It's summer. And summer is about going away to feel something more than the usual. But that boy in the picture who is wearing the same 100 peso camouflage jacket in both photos still hasn't been to the beach. That boy smoking the same brand of cigarettes in both photos has only inhaled pollution and nicotine. That boy wearing the same skater shoes in both photos has not had his feet feel the shore and the grainy bits of its sand.
I remember, a few days back, I asked a friend to let me wander away with him. He lives near the sea, and I wanted to live near the sea, so maybe I thought I could go and learn to love the shore and feel the sun. I wonder how it felt like to be him for a day, to wake up and see the sun rise in between the horizontal line that separates the water and the sky and to sleep hearing the whispers of the sea.
But I am letting the truth sink in now. That I could not let go of the city and I think the city feels the same way. Or maybe I am just too scared that I might lose myself in the middle of the sea and forget about the sky scrapers.
I'd appreciate the stars at night, if I had to let go of the urban skyline.
How do I let myself wander again? I' guess I'd have to be fearless and learn to let my comfort zone go. But until I choose to be fearless, I will still think that my heart belongs to the city and I will let the city live in my heart.